I will always regret what happened. My son tells me that I should not feel guilty, that it was his father’s fate. I cannot make my peace with that.
After we buried him, his siblings, who live next door, did not come near us. My husband adored his siblings. For him, it would have been terrible if something happened to them and he was not around. So their attitude hurt me a lot. The day after the funeral, one of my brothers-in-law said that I had to burn all of my husband’s belongings because of the contagion. That was the most I got from them. To avoid problems, I agreed. My son helped me do it. We burned the bed, the chair, the mattress, everything.
I spoke with my son. I told him to bury me alongside his father if I got sick too. They sold me a piece of land, which can take three coffins, [so] everything was settled. I used all our savings. We had a small fund for the new retail spaces, but I wanted him to have a proper grave.
Sometimes I talk to [my husband]. I told him, for example, that I have a bed again. It is a fortunate story. They recently gave it to me in the place where I work. My daughter says that "el Gordo", that's how she used to call him, must be laughing at me and saying: "Ah! Look at you lucky gal! You burned my bed and got a better one in the process."
In June , we are going to follow the town’s tradition: he will have his nine rosaries, his cabo de año. We will borrow his grave's cross and take it home so that it hears the prayers.
I keep working because I can't just stay at home. Who will help me with the expenses? My son helps me a little, but it is not enough. I asked for one more day at work, so I am now booked Monday through Friday. I work for two days in one house and three in another one.
I want to try the retail space thing again. My husband had a good plan, and maybe I can follow it. He first wanted to build a proper wall out front, right where the mesh is right now. It can have spaces for retail curtains. That would protect my house from the street. The wall can have a temporary ceiling. The entrance will be through the pink wall.